I just finished watching my favorite show, The Biggest Loser. Every week I go through this struggle with all these people who are just like me. If I could only get a week with Jillian, I would count it as priceless. I am the contestants... I am just at home fighting for my life without trainers, nutritionist, cameras and 6 hours a day to work out. My favorite contestant was voted out tonight, Brittany. When she returned her mother raved about her success and then said, "She had so much pain in her weight." And a light bulb went off....My weight is my pain. I always say my pain is for God's purpose. It's the whole reason I am pursuing youth ministry. All my mistakes, my horrible family life, the eating disorder, suicide attempts, abuse, it was all for God's purposes to help some girl out there who I can encourage and show her God's faithfulness through how He redeems us (with our mistakes). And now I have one more pain to get rid of. I don't know why I never felt that I wasn't worth it. But I haven't and I think today.... I am going to start believing that I am worth it. I want to prove my family wrong. I can be thin. I can be beautiful. I am lucky to have my husband (he's fabulous... and gorgeous) but I want people to say ... whoa, how did he get her? Instead of the other way around.
When I accepted Christ as our Savior, I gave him Lordship over our life. But for some reason I didn't think he need control over my weight - I thought that was up to me, my burden to bare. And I though I was a lost cause, so why try. I can throw every burden at Him, and He carries it for me. I think for once I am going to tap into His power and trust Him to help me become a new physical creation, since He's reconstructed my spiritual self.
I will not be the exception in my family - I will be thin - because I deserve to be healthy and happy. I have lived my life saying ... it's my dad's genetics and my sisters are built like my mom. Well, I can't do anything about losing my hair like my dad ... but I am sure as heck going to lose this weight regardless of who I take after. The only person who can get in the way of my success at this point is me. And I am sick of losing to my self.
2 comments:
Just watched the show too and had the same "one week with Jillian" thought. I don't know if I could take a week with Jillian, though - she is a bit dramatic - still, I would take it for the weigh-in at the end.
Feeling it with you -
I'm glad you're starting to see what I see...you are SOOOO worth it my darling.
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