Anger and Grace Collide

So ... many of you already know that our house was broken into on Thursday. Michael and I are both gone from the house on Thursdays from 8am to 8pm. As I was leaving my midterm on Thursday, I got a text from Michael. "Where's my laptop?" In utter confusion - I called him back immediately. His voice was filled with confusion and fear, something I have never heard before. As we started to talk, I could hear him roam around the house.... He tells me "Carin both the laptops are gone and all your jewelry. I know how they came in......"

And then his phone went dead, calling and calling him back with no ring tone... just straight to voicemail - I panicked and called 911. I phoned them to tell them that our house was burglarized and my husband might be in trouble. As I drove my 15 minutes more home - it felt like I couldn't drive fast enough. I cried out to God, "Lord, things can be replaced but please Lord, please - Let my husband be okay."

As I pulled into the drive, the first round of cops were already there. I came in dropped my bag and ran to Michael. He had come home but the thieves had not torn the house apart so he really didn't notice until he started looking for his computer. God's grace spared so much.... they didn't go into his "man cave" where we have another computer and all of his gaming systems, movies and games. They didn't go in the kitchen where my IPod was and our camera (with pictures I had not downloaded). They had come in through a window I had left unlocked - I was overcome with grief and sadness, and overwhelming guilt - I had let Michael down. And to add insult to injury... I had never signed the papers for our Renter's Insurance so none of this was covered.

What they took makes me sick: They took both laptops (one downstairs in the living room, and mine from my office ----mind you I had not backed up any of my work from Seminary nor any family pictures or journal entries I had written... I feel like Carrie in Sex in the City when her computer crashes and everyone asks "Did you back up?" and her response is .... "Who backs up?" You better believe I will be a back up queen after this. They went into our bedroom....and stole all my jewelry. They took my grandmother's rosary, my Nona's (grandma in Italian) watch. This is my only family heirloom from her. I had one tiny jewelry case that had a shirt on it so it was spared.....I have one of my 2 baby rings, my pearls from my father.... but I also lost my mother's engagement ring from my father, my wedding earnings,... and just a sense of safety. They stole only the movies sitting on top of our entertainment center... but they left behind Charlie Brown Christmas and VHS tapes of Star Wars. I am thankful for this since they left many finger prints behind at the expense of being picky.

The first round of cops left around 10:30 and we were told to wait for the Crime Scene Investigator to come and finger print and take pictures. She didn't arrive until after I called the police department, arriving at 1am. She took tons of finger prints all over the house and took pictures. She finally finished around 2am. And then.... we were left to clean up after her and all the black dust they use for fingerprinting. At that our evening was finished. We looked at each other knowing that we needed sleep but unable to feel safe in our own home, scared that they would come back. We checked all the doors and windows like 5 times (each) and then attempted to go to bed.

The next day, Michael encouraged me to maintain some sense of normalcy and go to my training appointment at the gym, he even went with me at 6am. We had taken the day off from work since it was Michael's birthday - Happy Birthday baby - wished it would have started on a better note.

Thanks to our friends, we were able to celebrate Michael's birthday with cake and pizza and Rock Band. We did catch ourselves surveying the house as we drove up the driveway looking for anything suspicious.

I know they are just things - I know they don't amount to much in the grand scheme of things. But I am mad. I want my files off my computer... they can keep the stinking machine. I just want my memories, my Sunday school lessons I wrote on Genesis, my journal entries after becoming a Christian, my childhood photos I had scanned in. My pictures of family events over the years, my wedding planning and every other detail of my life over the past 5 years. Oh, did I mention.... all my papers for school are gone.... it just makes me sick.

I wonder as they violated us, going from room to room taking what ever caught their eye, did they look at our wedding photos? Did they notice a bible in every room? (I have way to many bibles)? Did they see the scripture framed on our stairway as they came up and down our stairs to take our things? Why didn't my dog scare them off? Do they feel any remorse? What are they going through that this was an options? Now that they've been in once and know what we have, will they be back? Do they know how scared they made me feel in my own home? Will they notice the picture of Jesus on the cross dying for them as my screen saver? Will they read my files on Grace? on Salvation? On How God has saved me through struggles and fear through confusion and pain in my journals. Or will they disregard us - doing it only for a fix or a cheap thrill just to prove that they could take things from someone else.

I know I am suppose to love them, but I don't. I just want to ask them "Why US?" and in this time where I feel so violated I am wondering - where was God to protect us? Why didn't God stop them. I mean this is the same God from the OT that sucked people into the ground for lying right? And in my moment of doubt and fear and confusion, I know it could have been worse. God did spare many things. Our animals are fine, they didn't destroy our home, they left many valuable things....and the one thing they could never steal from us is Christ. We will still rejoice and pray that God's justice is done. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't praying that our stuff will be recovered - I am. But I know that even if they are not that,

1. My grandmother loved me, even if I don't have her watch that was willed to me.

2. My grandmother loved Jesus, because I once had her rosary

3. My photos are memories that God will allow me to see in day dreams and times of reminiscing with my family

4. My journals are known by God and I have seen His redemptive work since writing them.

5. The earrings I wore on my wedding day are still in photos.

6. My life is not things, and my true treasures cannot be stolen.

Thanks you for all your prayers, hugs and comfort. We appreciate all of you. We do pray for our stuff to be returned and justice to prevail but know that it's a long shot. I will be signing the papers for Renter's insurance tomorrow and Michael's brother (a cop) has given us a security system as our birthday gifts. Hopefully when those things are in place - we will be able to leave the house without spending 15 minutes checking and rechecking everything and breathe a little easier leaving the house.