At my doctor's visit on Monday, my doctor asked that I get a blood test to check for HIV and ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies). I am negative for HIV but positive for ANA. People who test positive for ANA have problems producing good antibodies that produce what the body needs to heal. She has told me that I have to follow up with a Rheumatologist. I am just sick of Doctors. I am sick of being of being sick. I am scared that this could be an indicator of me having Lupus, diabetes, or an autoimmune disease that I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I am frustrated that all I want to do is start my life and enjoy being married and start planning for the future but I feel like I can't because all of this is getting in the way.
In a positive light – I am hoping that this might be the missing link to giving me answers to how to get rid of the HPV and stay healthier. I have decided that God is giving me a wake up call and I need to out of Youth ministry for a while – for my health. It is time to take a break and take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am hoping the time I have not going to youth group and meetings, etc. will give me less stress (good for my body), allow me to get more rest, and give me time for things like working out and extra time for studying. I told my youth pastor last night and my kids. I have talked to Michael and we think it is best to fulfill my commitment w/ our 40 days of community program. It lasts until the 24th. So that Wednesday will be my last youth group for a while. I am scared of letting the kids down, of creating staffing problems where they won't have enough people to stay in their home groups and I will miss them. It is not easy making this decision but I can't do ministry when I am able to care for myself.
I am trying to remember that when you follow Jesus - Truly follow him - his path will lead me to the Cross.
1 comment:
I am praying for you!
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