Too Much HGTV has finally paid off!

So ... since getting cable - due to the amount of crap on television...I watch a lot of home shows. I have learned a lot from everything from Curb Appeal to redesigning your house with only moving around furniture and add some paint.

Friday night, while I was suppose to be studying - I came up w/ the idea to rearrage my living room. It was really cramped and not very welcoming to having any more than 2 people over. Well since we are renting we can't do much w/ the space issue but Michael and I were able to move it around so there is a better flow to the room and we even able to decorate the walls better - it just fit better.

We are so happy and now we have one more thing to justify our spurge on cable. Thank you HGTV

I feel a sense of "healthy" pride

Today I was able to get to the end of the month for the first time since being married, and we have extra money. I feel a sense of pride that I have been able to pinch pennies enough and has paid off. We are almost credit card debt free. I finally feel like we are getting things to be manageable and organized.

Praise God for curbing my impulse buying and giving me self-control.

My Best Friends Are Back ... TONIGHT!

Grey's is BACK - YYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!

Last season left me with so many questions:

1. Did Meredith and Dr. McDreamy (Derrick) really break up?
2. Who will be friends with Callie now that Addison has left to go stink it up on her new show?
3. Where is Miranda going, who will she teach now that Callie took her job?
4. Will George ever let himself love Izzy?
5. Will Ava come back for Alex or will he go after her?
6. Is George and Callie actually going to have a baby?
7. Are Chief and his wife getting back together?
8. Who will be Dr. McDreamy's choice for "the girl he met in the bar" Meredith or her sister?
9. Will Cristina find Burke - and since she probably won't since he got FIRED...will her and Meredith sit in self pity for the first part of the season... geeze.
10. Oh, what will happen to Dr. McSteamy - will he and Meredith get together if she and Derrick did break up?

So many questions ... all to be answered hopefully tonight! I am excited for the "water cooler" talk tomorrow discussing what happened with all our friends.

I GOT WOKEN UP at 2:54 AM

I was woken up by my cat, Leo..... who was doing this to me at almost 3 in the morning to get me out of bed to feed him... he has no patience!

Being that I was asleep - I kind of threw him off the bed twice. He kept coming back until I gave in.

We were meant for community

Community is a deeper level of resposiblity than friendship. We were never meant to be on our own but to live in community. A group of people who will share your highs and lows and be with you throughout. This community has a love not from choice but from GOD, which makes it's motivation from a pure love void of selfish motives. I have expereinced that community through my work and my small group. I have people for the first time who don't try and fix me but sit with me in my misery. They don't tell me to get over it, but they love me through it. Thank you. Thank you also that when you give me the response, "I'll be praying for you" I know that you are because you inquire about it later and you invest in my life.

Thank you for those who know that Life SUCKS! and it's not fair and they can say that w/ out spiritualizing my struggle. I know about grace, mercy and God's providence but I am hurting right now and I don't need the church answer I need the community answer which comes from love and sharing each other's burdens.

I got flowers yesterday and today. It doesn't seem like much but it meant the world to me. I got a call from a friend yesterday that made me cry because she was crying for me in my situation. She said, "it's not fair, it sucks but if you want to just come over ... I am here for you! Even if all you want to do is cry." This is community .... people who are ok with the ugliness of life and don't hide it, swept it under a rug or pretty it up.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus

THE TEST RESULTS ARE IN

.......The test came back abnormal with Pre-cancerous cells (HPV) present. I am scheduled for a colposcopy October 1st @ 2:45pm. And so the saga continues.........


I am sick of this...

Sanctification is Painful.....

Sanctification is that continuous operation of the Holy Spirit, by which we become more like Christ. We are perfected; but not yet perfect. The idea that God isn't finished w/ me yet.

I am reading a book, "The Contented Soul" by Lisa Graham McMinn, in my small group which has been very hard to read. It's like putting a large spoonful of peanut butter in your mouth - it takes a while to work on but at the end your craving relief (like from a large glass of milk). This week was especially hard for me.... and I didn't like it ... not one bit.

The chapter talked about The Practice of Fortitude. In the chapter it discusses our suffering and struggles in life are for our benefit and gives examples from her experience of people who have set the example James 1:4 talks about. She writes of her friend Lyle, who clung to the hope, striving towards joy and contentment in spite of his circumstances (Alzheimers). He wrote these words:

"Paul (in Philippians 4:4-9) tells us to practice certain things if we want to have the peace of God. We are to rejoice in the Lord always even if life is tough and I might be in jail unjustly. We are told to let our forbearing spirit be known to all, an not to be anxious about anything, because a just God is near and watching. We are instructed to be thankful lifting our prayers to God, and to replace wrong thinking and erroneous blame with meditation about things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, and worthy of praise. God says if I practice these things both the "God of peace" and the "peace of God" will be with me. And as I began practicing God brought ever-increasing contentment in the midst of my circumstances. I am learning to "count it all joy when I encounter various trials knowing that the testing of my faith produces endurance and maturity" James 1). I choose to see value in suffering because I know that my "suffering produces perserverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint" (Romans 5:3-5). These are not just verses from a book; they are promises being proved true as I exercise them. So i choose contentment. I choose to learn to reject anger, and accept the peace of God."

So I will learn from Lyle and lean on the Holy spirit that in my present
trials I one day can say with all confidence that I have joy and it will not
only be words from my mouth but be seen living in my actions and how I give hope
to others. I want to thank all of you for your prayers - I am starting to learn
(the hard way of course) that I can't do this on my own and my burdens do not
have the weightiness for others in holding them down in despair but sharing them
w/ others allows them to share God's grace, mercy and love w/ me and allows them
to use their God-given gifts for the glory of God.

Please be patient with me ..... God is not finish with me Yet......

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

For the past year, I have been dealing w/ the cycle of bad paps, irregular cells and the "C" word being thrown around like it's a lurking threat in my life. I have precancerous cells in my cervix. This has led to more visits to the OBGYN than one wants to participate in a lifetime let alone a year. The running conversation w/ my doctor is that if she sees me out and about outside the hospital, she is to turn and walk the other direction that out of habit I might just give her all my money.

Last November, I had the L.E.E.P procedure done. This is where a localized section of tissue w/ dysplasia of cells is removed. It was the most painful thing I have ever endured. It took 2 months to recover. I have had numerous biopsies which are not only nerve-racking but painful as well.

Today I am sitting by the phone awaiting test results of a pap done on August 31st. I usually get my results in 5-7 days. In talking w/ my nurse at the office I asked, "The longer the wait, the worse the results-huh?" She responded,...."It's not the best sign." My heart sank and for the first time in a while I allowed myself to truly think about the possibilities of having cancer and all that would entail - beyond the pain, the chemo, it was the idea of never having children and thinking it is all SOOO UNFAIR!!!!!!!

In my legalistic reasoning... I think - (just fleetingly) this is my punishment for all the past sins in my life - if I had come to Jesus earlier this wouldn't be happening. Then I remember no earthly father would harm his children - and God is more merciful and caring than any father on this earth - even the best of fathers. I know I will get through this but the unknown is the scariest part. I hope to get my results by the end of the day........and in that there is MUCH fear and hope. I think the fear is louder in my mind right now.

So... until the phone call comes.... I am left with uncertainty but hope (that's what you're suppose to say - right?). I don't feel very hopeful right now - I am scared and praying for peace and selfishly that I don't have cancer.

YOU ASK FOR IT ....(APPARENTLY) YOU GET IT

So on my last post I expressed how tired and worn down I am ...and I still feel that way but I mentioned that I need some alone time. This weeek I found out that my husband, Michael, is leaving for a week (Sunday - Friday) coming home for 2 days and leaving again from (Sunday-Wednesday). This is not what I had in mind....I hate when he is gone. I don't see him enough as it is.

I am hoping to get a LOT of homework done but now with the new distraction of HGTV in the house I hope I am disciplined enough to get ahead. I have 3 books to read an 2 papers to start on. UGGGGH - sometimes I think I won't last grad school.

Updates in our life:

1) We have internet & cable - I think this is a good thing. We've got to learn how to manange it instead of being like kids who eat all the candy in the house because they can.

2) We "officially" started our programs w/ our Financial planner.

3) We got our wedding video & reception video

4) We are going to FINALLY order our wedding photos (hopefully)

5) Our house is officially put together - I still have some things I would like to do though

6) I started a college women's ministry in our church via the 40 days of community

7) Michael is planning on taking the first part of his test for certification in October

8) Oh and did I mention that SCHOOL IS KICKING MY BUTT!

9) We're going to MIZZOU on Oct 6th to see the Tigers beat down on Nebraska (Mizzou-Rah)

Have a great weekend to all . . . .Enjoy the BEAUTIFUL weather.

BACK TO SCHOOL BLUES... But I think it's better called STRESS

I have only been in school 1 1/2 weeks and I am already overwhelmed w/ reading and assignments. Having too much to do this weekend didn't help my ability to be a good student. It is a whole new ballgame being a student/employee, and coming home and being a wife. This is how I feel most of the time..........Ever since I got to Seminary I have felt like a little girl in way over my head. I just feel like I am always 5 steps behind everyone else.

I have done fairly well in my classes so far but I have to pick up the pace this semester. I am working full time (40 hrs), Youth group, my personal (E-free) small group, College Small group & 3 classes, friends, .... and oh yeah - being a wife w/ all that entails. I have so much reading to do that the picture below is how I feel - it sucks that I can't read fast.... one of these days.
Due to this stress level, unfinished work, and busy schedule I am PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY TIRED.... I need some definite alone time or I would settle for just down time. I think I'll move to Australia (.....email me if you know this book reference - Emily you're not allowed to play)

IT IS FINISHED ...PHASE 2 COMPLETE!

As most of you know -once I start a project it cannot get done fast enough. So having books and the contents of our bedroom downstairs all over our house was about to drive me crazy. Who knew so much could fit in one room. Well this weekend gave me just enough time to complete my final project for the room - custom shelving. With such a small room, we had to be careful to utilize the space wisely, in doing so I came up with the plan to make floor to ceiling shelving on one wall. I started them on Saturday morning while Michael was out caving w/ our friends. I went to Home Depot (1 of 4 trips in one day-ugh) got all my supplies, had the wood cut and went home to execute my plan. We only finished half of it before my sanity was complete gone and then finished (w/ a LOT of Help from Michael) on Monday.

Here's the final results of the den/Michael's Man Cave:

I painted the shelf to the right black to match the rest of the furniture in that area.

These are the Shelves....Floor to ceiling wonderfulness. I couldn't be happier w/ them. All the books fit plus... we actually have enough room for everything. YEAH!

A WEEKEND of NECESSARY DISTRACTION

The weekend before last, Michael and I, our friends Angie & Brad all went to Southern Illinois to visit Andy Fleck before his final voyage to St. Louis. Andy's parents live on Lake of Egypt which is a beautiful lake near Carbondale, IL.

The weekend was exactly what I needed. It is amazing that just getting out of the house can give you enough distance from all the things you need to do when you get back. It was also great to recharge before the hardest work week I have ever experienced here (mentally & physically).

Friday night we left after work and drove through the monsoon to get there. It was a scary ride being that 2 of my 4 tires didn't almost make it down there. They had to be replaced on Sunday before going home. Saturday was spent out on the lake, talking w/ friends, visiting a local winery (I am finding I am a wine snob) and going out to eat later. We played the game "Loaded Questions." It was a great game for us to see how much we know about each other and to learn more. This game made the weekend for me. And how the laughter abounded. We probably kept the neighbors up. Overall it was relaxing - enjoyable - fun! Here's some pics from our weekend!

Michael and Sofie (Andy's Parent's Dog) Two Wild and Crazy Girls (Angie & I) The Cutest Couple ever... The Scenery - There was a wedding that day ... Angie ... slow down (LOL)
Isn't he Cute...

Hi Brad - Say Sangria... Andy... too many times watching Zoolander